Narcissistic Abusers: Signs, Why And How They Play Love Game

Your whole life is bent and distorted.  You are violated, manipulated, deceived, mocked mercilessly, you are forced to bow down and forced to believe that it is all your imagination.  The person you thought you understood and the life you both built together suddenly fell apart.

Your personal consciousness is eroded and gradually diminished.  That person tries to fit you into a mold, then wipes away all your values and pushes you off the edge.  Maybe you've even been replaced and thrown away many times, and then come back to someone who only knows how to madly abuse you, the next time is even more painful than the first.  You even get stalked, harassed, and bullied incessantly, and you don't dare to leave.

This is not the aftermath of a normal breakup, not something that usually happens in a relationship.  These are the pre-arranged steps for an insidious and insidious killing plan for your psychology  and safety consciousness.  The consequences may not be scars on the skin, but scars on the soul, broken memories and inner torn wounds.

All are signs of Narcissistic Abuse.  Psychological violence from these people includes both emotional and verbal violence, infusing you with negative energies, stoning, vandalizing and defaming, indirectly manipulating and coercing you in various ways.  

These Narcissistic Abusers lack empathy, they only focus on their own interests, love themselves too much and want to abuse others to serve their own interests.

As a result of being given Narcissistic Abuse for so long, victims may struggle with symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder;  post-traumatic stress syndrome complicated if further given Narcissistic Abuse by narcissistic parents;  or even become a victim of Narcissistic Abuse syndrome.

Its consequences are depression, anxiety, hypervigilance, feelings of self-humiliation, flashbacks of past abuse, and feelings of helplessness and worthlessness.

When we are surrounded by Narcissistic Abusers, it is difficult to determine if we are being abused, because these people are very good at turning around and skillfully turning the situation at hand to their advantage for them, pretending it's a kind of love that's too intense and makes us think we're the one causing them pain.  If you find yourself in the eleven categories below and you are or have been in a bad relationship with someone who cheated and disrespected you, then maybe you have been terrorized by a guy who specializes in hunting emotions.

1- You perceive dissociation as a survival mechanism

You feel emotionless, you feel disconnected from your habitat;  

Memory, perception, and sense of self are disrupted and fragmented.  

This dissociation leads to emotional paralysis when faced with terrible circumstances.  Mind-numbing activities, obsessions, drugs, and self-suppression become close friends, because they give you an escape from reality.  Your brain will find ways to block painful emotions, so that you don't have to face terrible circumstances.

The painful parts of you are awakened, they are hidden by dissociating from the conscious awareness that you use to face those around you and your Narcissistic Abusers.  These painful emotions can be bad childhood memories, feelings of anger and disgust that you really feel when you are dealing with your Narcissistic Abusers, or or inner feelings that you cannot express in front of them.

2- You build a safe shell

A common symptom is avoidance of things that remind you of the trauma – people, places, or activities that might threaten you.  Regardless of whether it is friends, relatives, teammates, colleagues or superiors, you yourself will often carefully consider your words when around them, fearing that you will receive anger, punishment and jealousy from them.

However, you will eventually find that this does not work, your feelings will still be the object of Narcissistic Abusers to pull out as sandbags, whenever they want. You don’t dare to make that person anger, start avoiding facing them by all means and trying to build a wall of defense.  When you come into contact with someone outside of the Narcissistic Abuse relationship, the frequency with which you try to please them increases;  you lose self-control or assertiveness in your life, especially in the face of people especially in front of people who look like or are close people or related to Narcissistic Abusers and Narcissistic Abuse behaviors.

3. You put aside all of your basic needs, sacrificing your emotional or even physical safety just to please your Narcissistic Abusers

Previously you were a person full of living, with goals and dreams.  And now, you feel your life is just serving the needs of others.  In the past, the Narcissistic Abusers who abused you saw you as the center of his life, but now your life is being used to worship him.

You had to leave your own goals, interests, friends, and security behind, just for the other person to feel satisfied in your relationship.  But you'll soon realize that no matter what you try, you can't satisfy that person.

4. You struggle between health problems and body dysmorphic disorder, indicating that your mentality is falling into disordered state

You gain or lose weight dizzyingly fast, suffer from serious health problems that have never happened before, and begin to see signs of premature aging.  The stress that comes from being abused for a long time causes the amount of the hormone cortisol - the hormone used to fight stress - to increase excessively, severely affecting your immune system, increasing the likelihood of physical diseases.  substances and other diseases.

You become difficult to sleep, have nightmares, and the trauma is brought back through visual and sensory flashbacks, bringing your mind back to the original pain. 

5. You feel like you can't trust anyone anymore

You feel everyone is becoming a threat, you fear any intentions of others, especially those you once believed in.  Normal prudence gradually turns into a disease of hypervigilance.  Once your Narcissistic Abusers have tried to make you believe that all this pain you experience is an illusion, you can hardly trust anyone, including yourself.

6. You think about suicide and destroy yourself

Along with depression and anxiety is a growing sense of hopelessness.  You can't stand reality anymore, you can't escape it even if you want to.  You gradually feel helpless and no longer want to live, even using self-destruction as a way to cope with this pain.  

According to Dr. McKeon (2014) - Minister of Suicide Prevention at SAMHA (Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services Administration), victims of love violence have a tendency to commit suicide many times higher than others.  This is how Narcissistic Abusers kill people without leaving a trace.

7. You isolate yourself

Many Narcissistic Abusers isolate their victims, but the victims themselves isolate themselves out of shame for having been abused.  Because society still has misconceptions about mental and psychological violence and the tendency to blame the victim, the victim can even be attacked by law enforcement agencies, family, friends, and those on the side of Narcissistic Abusers, who is able to cover up his or her Narcissistic Abuse behavior.  

Victims are always afraid that no one will understand and believe what they say, so instead of seeking help, they decide to commit suicide, giving up as a way to avoid judgment and retaliation from their Narcissistic Abusers.

8. You compare yourself to others, blaming yourself for being abused

Narcissistic Abusers are always very good at using love as an indirect factor or drawing a third party into the relationship to terrorize the victim.  As a result, victims internalize the fear that they themselves are not good enough, and then they compete to be worthy of Narcissistic Abusers's attention and approval.

Victims will also compare themselves to people in other happy and healthy relationships, wondering why Narcissistic Abusers respect strangers more than them? This leaves them in the trap of wondering, “why me?”  and stuck in the abyss called "self-blame".  While it is true that Narcissistic Abusers are to blame – no one deserves to suffer Narcissistic Abuse behaviours. 

9. You destroy yourself

Victims are often obsessed with their Narcissistic Abusers and often hear his or her voice echo in their heads, amplifying negative thoughts and tending to self-destructiveness.  Cruel Narcissistic Abusershave "programmed" their victims to self-destruct, even pushing them to commit suicide at times.

Due to the way Narcissistic Abusers have argued and defended, the verbal abuse, and the harshness the victim has to endure, they are more inclined to punish themselves, because they are now carrying within themselves too much humiliation.  They destroy their goals, dreams, and even their jobs.  Narcissistic Abusers intoxicate them with feelings of worthlessness, making them believe they don't deserve the finer things in life.

10. You do not dare to do what you like and do not dare to achieve success

There are many sick people who are very jealous of their victims, so Narcissistic Abusers punish them for success. This causes victims to view their interests, talents, and successes with a ruthless eye.  Victims fear opportunities for success, because they know their success comes with revenge and reprimand.

Victims gradually fall into depression, anxiety, lack of self-confidence and shrink away from the spotlight, letting Narcissistic Abusers again and again steal their opportunities.  The Narcissistic Abusers will never pass up that opportunity, because they always think you are inferior;  because those opportunities are what threaten their control over the victim.

11. You insist on defending your Narcissistic Abusers, even turning to self-doubt

Rationalization, reducing abuse is a survival mechanism often used by victims in an Narcissistic Abuse relationship.  

In order to "hypnotize" themselves that the person who is saying he/she loves them is not meant to be Narcissistic Abuse, the victim convinces themselves that the Narcissistic Abusers are not actually a bad person, or that they have done something themselves wrong to be abused.

You need to break this “hypnosis” by clearly recognizing the personality of the Narcissistic Abusersand the ways that he or she abuses you.  Only then can you regain a sense of your reality and of the Narcissistic Abusers's wrongdoing, that that Narcissistic Abuse is the real face, and it's not a pretty face.

Bear in mind that there is often a very strong traumatic bond between the victim and the Narcissistic Abusers, because the victim is “trained” to depend on the Narcissistic Abusers for survival.

Victims may defend their Narcissistic Abusers from the law, paint a happy image of the two of them on social media, or try to overcompensate by empathizing with the Narcissistic Abusers.

If you are currently being abused in your own relationship, remember that you are not alone, even if you feel alone.  There are millions of people in the world who have been in your position, had the same experience as you and have escaped it.  This form of psychological torture does not discriminate against its victims by gender, religion, social class or region.  The first step is to be aware of your situation and acknowledge it, even if your Narcissistic Abusers is trying to get you to believe otherwise.

If you can, write down what you've been through to come to terms with the reality of the Narcissistic Abuse.  Talk to a trusted mental health professional, domestic violence advocate, your family and friends, or others who have been in the same situation.  

Start healing yourself through mindfulness meditation and therapeutic yoga, both of which target the same part of the brain that is constantly suffering. 

Seek help if you are struggling with Narcissistic Abuse symptoms, especially with suicidal thoughts.  

Consult with qualified counselors who can understand and guide you through the healing process.  

Make a plan to protect yourself if you suspect abuse.

Getting out of an Narcissistic Abuse relationship isn't easy, because of the trauma and the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that follow each time of Narcissistic Abuse, and because the strong traumatic bond that can grow more and more. 

However, in reality, you should understand that you can get out and start a new life without ever seeing them again, or limit your encounters in the event that your Narcissistic Abusers is your parent.  

Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse can be challenging, but well worth the effort, for the sake of freedom and for the pieces that need to be put back together.